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Best of Both Worlds
Posted:Sep 21, 2018 6:18 pm
Last Updated:Sep 21, 2018 6:32 pm

Best of Both Worlds , the season 3 finale/season 4 premiere of Star Trek the Next Generation is a pretty great piece of television . Some people say it's the best Tv show ever . Which it isn't , but it's pretty good .

What I didn't know though is the backstory behind it which is Patrick Stewart was in contract negotiations at the time so they wanted a story that gave them a way to write him off the show in case he deiced to play hardball and they couldn't work out a deal . Which explains the presence of Commander Shelby aka the only competent female character on the show . I always thought it was odd they'd bring in ANOTHER character on a show that already had too many characters for such a critical story arc but knowing what I now know it makes perfect sense . If Patrick Stewart bails Riker becomes Captain and Shelby is the new XO .

Which had to have been a little weird for the actress n'est-ce pas ? The deal is either you're going to be one of the main characters on a hit TV show or you're just going to become nothing and keep grinding away - all based on what Patrick Stewart decides to do with his life . I mean maybe she was cool with that but it seems like it kind of had to suck .

Did you know there's a website dedicated to the legal issues in Seinfeld episodes ? I didn't . My world is a little brighter now . Did you know that most states now allow for women to go topless in public as long as they're not doing it for commercial purposes ? Jane in the episode "the Hamptons" was doing nothing wrong . Learning !

I have a new best friend but she has a real problem with speaking in dating/sex site code - I have a hard time figuring out what she means a goodly portion of the time . What do you think these things are referring to ;

"experimenting with tofu" - According to the internet tofu can mean one of two things , either a slur against hetro white dudes (squishy , white and bad taste) or someone who's a personality mimic , I presume because tofu takes on the flavor of whatever is around it . I have to say it kind of warms my cockles that there's slurs against heterosexual dudes . Either way I suppose she was talking about some squishy white dude she was getting freaking with who may or may mimic the behavior of whatever people are around .

"officiating a wedding" - This one is tricky because I can find no special hidden meaning in the terms officiate nor wedding . I can only conclude that this is a reference of the infamous Red Wedding of Game of Thrones fame and it's a reference to some kind of dastardly undertaking .

"spreading the gospel at the grumpy goat" - So goat = Greatest of All Time , and who was one of the greatest who's also notoriously grumpy ? Kermit Washington . In addition to being great at basketball he was also great at embezzling half a million dollars from a children's charity . So clearly he needs to learn the lessons of the Gospel .

"crying on a pretzel" - This one is also puzzling . Someone said that the pretzel language is a penis reference but that can't be true unless she's into that crazy cock stuff which I sincerely hope is not true - although that would explain the crying . So maybe the "pretzel" is just a complicated issue and the crying is because of frustration ? Similar to "banging your head against a wall" . Or wait no , maybe it's "crying" in the sense of "crying wolf" and the pretzel is some kind of person ? Like you're snitching on someone maybe ? "Lil Nessa crossed into my turf so I had to cry on that pretzel" . That seems right .

"Celebrating April Fool's Day" - This one is easy , April Fool's is clearly a reference to the Second Punic War which resulted in Rome's rise to power in the Mediterranean . Which I guess is something you might want to celebrate . Maybe if you're from Rome ?

"Tackling the cake lady" - Seize the day ?

"Take the rock out" - Of your head maybe ? Like as it 'stop being dumb' ? Or is she saying she's going to take down Dwyane "the Rock" Johnson ? I guess he deserves it for cheating on his wife . And for being a shitty wrestler .
There's one thing that's true no matter where in the galaxy you go - sandwiches are good
Posted:Sep 19, 2018 6:42 pm
Last Updated:Sep 21, 2018 5:40 pm

A while ago someone at work asked "does it smell like paint thinner in here to you ?" and I explained that I have a very poor sense of smell , which led to me telling the story (such as it is) of my sister shooting a bottle rocket up my nose .

And I realized for the FIRST time that this happened in the summer of '83 - the same year Return of the Jedi came out .

What's the significance there ? Much like Luke hitting the exhaust port on the Death Star to start the chain reaction to destroy it my sister hitting me IN the nose like that was a million to one shot .

Most people probably think that my sister pinned me down and jammed a bottle rocket in my nose and set it off but that's not so . We were running around playing with fireworks , as kids did in those days - it was a simpler time before rainbow parties and pill swapping - and I said something to her that made her mad (I don't recall what) and she fired said bottle rocket at me from maybe 17 feet away .

Being a sissy boy when I saw that she was firing at me I both ducked and spun away . Now I know what you're thinking , what the hell 40 , were you TRYING to get a bottle rocket up the ass ? First of all I was six you sick bastard and secondly I panicked - obviously the smart thing to do would have been to drop to the ground but it was an instinctual wussy reaction .

The point is the rocket came under my body/torso and right up the nose - which is a highly unlikely turn of events .

But 40 , you're taking about the first Star Wars movie that came out in 77 not Return of the Jedi .

Shut up , there's a connection still !

Did you know that David Cronenberg was one of the original choices to direct Return of the Jedi ? Wrap you mind about that folks . I kind of want to start working on a screenplay of what a Cronenberg Return of the Jedi would have been like . I mean who didn't walk out of Jedi saying "I wish that had been more like Dead Ringers" ? If they did they were time travelers fool because that movie didn't come out for another 5 years !

Anyway , Cronenberg Jedi - think about it .

I had a fairly disturbing dream the other night - an older fellow from work came to live with me as did a mentally challenged person I knew years ago . Oldy had a stoke and his freaked out mentally challenged dude who responded by beating the shit out of him while he was having a stroke . I tried to stop him but he was too strong . So I called 911 and three paramedics showed up , two of them started helping stroke guy and the other one tried to calm down mentally challenged guy but he flipped out again and started strangling her . Again I tried to stop him but couldn't . In the end all 3 paramedics were badly injured and I was trying to call 911 again while hiding from mentally challenged guy .

I suppose if you think dreams mean anything this is a manifestation of my attempts to help people by doing my job and how they're thwarted by the uncaring of others . But dreams don't mean anything .

Many years back I went to a football game with my buddy Floorboard and his GF and my buddy Camelback and his fiancée . As we were getting ready to go Camelback's fiancée says to Floorboard's GF "You look nice" and she said "thanks" and after a beat fiancée said "Usually when a girl tells another girl she looks nice they say it back" and GF said "But you're dressed like a boy" .

Things got real ugly after that .

Is that true ? If you're a woman and compliment one of your peers do you expect them to say it back ?

Have you seen any of the commercials for the new Magnum PI . It looks awful . Wait no , let me change that , it doesn't look very Magnum PI-y , it looks like generic action show # 17 . It actually looks kind of like an A-Team rip off to me more than anything .

Do TV show reboots ever work ? Knightrider sucked , Bionic Woman sucked , V sucked , Dallas sucked , Dynasty sucked , Heroes Reborn SUPER sucked , 90210 suck , Fuller House awful , MacGyver pukatronic , Odd Couple lame , Charlie's Angels garbage , etc.

The X-Files is okay but that's not really a reboot .

Generally there's a reason for this failure , although I have no theory on why the people making these shows can't figure it out .

Good news ! You've acquired the rights to remake that classic show you loved as a child . But hold on ; you watch the series again and you realize something. Shockingly , there's No Hugging , No Kissing - not even sexual tension or a gratuitous bikini shot . Well, that will never do , surely people only ever watch TV for the sex , right ? And what'll keep the parents entertained ? There's only one thing for it : you'll have to make it younger and hotter .

Firstly , all female characters get stripperiffic outfits , while all men get one shirtless scene after another . Then add some "Witty Banter" between the lead characters about penis size , some bow-chicka-bow-wow , a "manly" hero and a chaste sidekick who's a stupid and innocent virgin , a Ms. Fanservice with gag boobs and no nudity taboo . Heck , why not go all the way and chuck everyone in bed together and say it's just you making the series more mature ?

Unsurprisingly , fans tend to dislike these remakes for several reasons . Firstly , these are characters that people have cherished since childhood and it can be very disturbing to see them suddenly start making masturbation jokes . Secondly , some people feel awkward about blatant innuendos , especially when they are so blatant that the clean meaning is harder to find than the dirty one . Third it can seem insulting to both the viewers and to the franchise . It seems to be saying both that "Viewers Are Morons—they won't watch a show unless it has sex in it !" and "this show is so terrible that if we don't chuck some cheap titillation in , no one will watch it !" Finally, given that the sex is effectively added as an afterthought , it can often feel badly taped on .
Bahahaha !
Posted:Sep 18, 2018 6:10 pm
Last Updated:Sep 19, 2018 6:00 pm

I need a new bedframe (if you know what I mean) so I checked Amazon just to see what was out there and this by a HUGE margin the most asked question ;


Is the headboard sturdy enough for handcuffs?


NOOOOO. This bed is not sturdy enough for that. I wish I'd spent another $100 on a bed that didn't crack at the joints. This bed is only for sleeping.
Temple of the Dog
Posted:Sep 18, 2018 6:02 pm
Last Updated:Sep 19, 2018 6:01 pm

Would you drive 4 hours for 150 dollars ? That's the dilemma I find myself in . That's 35 bucks an hour which is pretty good but when you break it down like that I always find myself in trouble . Such as when I'm at work and I think about my hourly wage and I contemplate "is it worth that amount of money to be here right now for an hour ?" the answer is always no . In the olden days 200 dollars was the standard purse for a big time wrestling match so that seems like a good minimum to do anything that takes much time or effort .

Ladies ? WINK

As you all know I hate the term "doggy style" but I love said style . I've tried before to get other names off the ground and into the common parlance but nothing has taken off . Most often I've tried to popularize the term "X-Files style" because doing it from behind returned to prominence in 1994 as a way for people to have sex and still both be able to watch the X-Files without on person looking at the screen upside down .

And YES I know that you could do it cowgirl and look back over your shoulder but craning your neck like that is really bad .

In screenplays/teleplays when they're diagramming a sex scene they call that "rear entry" which first of all has NO cache and secondly sounds like anal .

In the kama sutra it's called congress of the cow , aka cow style , which is obviously no better and maybe a little worse .

In the animal kingdom they call it presenting which no , just no .

But I've been thinking about this a lot and I think the reason why my previously attempts at rebranding the style that shall not be named is because I wasn't on theme .

Consider this - the two other baseline positions are Missionary and Cowgirl . And those are people kinds of people and/or jobs . The key to coming up with a good replacement is sticking with that theme . Not only that but when you think of missionaries and cowgirls what do you think of ? The old west , I mean not the real old west but the fake Hollywood one from Dances with Wolves , the Revenant , True Grit , Django Unchained , Rango , Blazing Saddles , Wild Wild West , Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid and the like . BTW those are supposedly the top grossing Westerns which is shameful since only 2 of them are actually westerns .

The point is my new genre appropriate name for "doggy style" , which will soon be a term no one remembers , is Gunslinger .

Please discontinue all use of doggy style and start saying Gunslinger .

Did you know that some couples find gunslinger relationship-affirming , as it requires and implies a level of trust and a surrender of control by the receiving to the active partner ? I didn't . Also I don't really know what that means . How is gunslinger more vulnerable than missionary ? With missionary you're basically trapped under a mountain of flesh - with gunslinger a hop , skip and a jump and you're out the door . Which is why you should always leave your bra on during Gunslinger so in the event you need to flee you don't end up with a public nudity charge .

See , I'm always watching out for you folks .

Did you know that dogging is British slang for having sex in public ? I did .

I've resolved to stop posting polls which I've been doing lately , but I did want to ask people which would you rather do -

Kiss the Gunner's Daughter


Suck the Monkey

It's a trick question of course because these are old naval slang terms . I mean obviously you'd rather kiss a girl , even if you're a straight lady or gay dude , than suck a monkey dick - but Kissing the Gunner's Daughter is a euphemism for being lashed to a cannon mount and whipped whereas Sucking the Monkey means to drink the booze . Although this being AdultCR.com Adult Chatroulette and all it's possible that Kissing the Gunner's Daughter would have won anyway .

I purchased a magazine the other day for the first time in probably 25 years - and it was 14 DAMN dollars ! Stupid Time magazine , who do they think they are ? That is literally outrageous in that I was outraged I was . It's a special issue on the science of laughter . Here's a few tidbits -

Laughing and crying provide the same release , so the next time you feel like you're about to cry think about that SNL sketch - you know the one I mean - and laugh instead

The person telling a joke laughs 43% of the time more often than the person hearing it

You're 30 times more likely to laugh when you're not alone

The thing that most reliable gets people to laugh according to neuroscientists (a hilarious bunch) is showing them a clip of someone else trying not to laugh in a situation when it would be inappropriate to do so

Laughter originated as a way for our primitive baboon ancestors to indicate they were play-fighting instead of murder-fighting , which is why tickling often causes laughter while kicking in the ribs does not . So the next time you're about to throw down start chuckling - your opponent will think you're just messing around and you'll get the advantage .

Here's a good joke . There used to be a famous thought experiment about someone born blind , if they were given sight would they be able to tell the difference been a round ball and a square block which they had "seen" by feeling all their life by looking at it . This used to be a thought experiment because we now know that the answer is "no" because people born blind have been given sight and they always think the opposite - that the block is the smooth round thing they've felt and vice versa .

The joke is that your brain does whatever it wants - data coming through the eyes or through the hands or through the ears is all just noise - the brain gives it meaning . What you see is what you've been trained to see and literally nothing else .

Consider this , you and your buddies are watching the football game and your pet cat is laying around doing cat stuff . The cat cannot see the image on the screen - so to them you're just sitting there staring at nothing . Even the voices coming from the TV don't really mean anything to them because they're not accompanied by other things that cat's use to process information - they're of no interest .

Even if a cat could learn to speak you would have a very difficult time communicating because you're experiencing very different realities . You could never really explain to the cat what the heck is going on because the way the world is shaped for each of you is not the same at all .

And this is despite the fact that you and your cat both evolved in the same world and have very similar biology .

Now , roll this forward , if an alien being - that evolved in a different world with different biology - landed on earth it's ability to understand us and what we got going on would be similarly limited . As would ours to understand it . Your brain would search for context and it would find none . To the point where you might not even register it at all .

We live and die according to how we interpret the unknown and all of human culture is that very process playing out over and over and over again .

Now that's a punchline .
Which do you find to be true ?
Posted:Sep 17, 2018 4:37 pm
Last Updated:Sep 18, 2018 5:15 pm

One of many opposing pieces of folk wisdom
Good things come to those who wait ?
S/he who hesitates is lost
2 Comments , 28 votes
A brief history of invasive fish species in the Mississippi River and their impact on China trade
Posted:Sep 16, 2018 10:56 am
Last Updated:Sep 17, 2018 4:41 pm
The best way to catch Mississippi catfish is with live bait . Back in the 70's fisherfolk (people who fish not anthropomorphic fishers , which would be awesome) decided that a good live bait fish would be the Asiatic carp which is a colloquial term for several species of heavy-bodied cyprinid fishes (FYI "heavy-bodied" is what I'm going to start using to describe my physique) . Much like when the Jin dynasty in China let the Mongols south of the Great Wall this turned out not to be a great idea . Some of the bait fish escaped (like my left ball when I wear jockeys shorts) and finding they were better than all the other fish around conquered the mighty Mississippi like rampaging Mongol hordes (is that racist ? sorry Mongolians) . This is bad if you care about the environment (which let's be honest , you don't) but it's good news if you like sweet-sweet cash . Because exporting Asiatic carp to China is big money (is that ironic ? no , but it's something) .

Some kinds of Asiatic carp have become famous for being easily frightened by boats and personal watercraft , causing them to leap high into the air (like Michael Jordan , racist ? Sorry Michael Jordan) . They can easily jump 8 to 10 feet into the air and numerous boaters have been severely injured by collisions with the fish . According to the DNR "reported injuries include cuts from fins , black eyes , broken bones , back injuries and concussions (like your football heroes ! )."

If you're a lady and you have a black eye from getting hit by a flying carp is anyone going to believe your husband didn't punch you ?

Why do I bring this up ? No reason really . Oh wait , there was one reason . Remember that time I saved a dumb lizard for dying in the harsh April winter of Iowa ? Of course you do . That seemed super weird at the time but it turns out it was only kind of weird . The Argentine black and white tegu (which I think is what I found) is currently invading the Southern states like the Normans invaded England in 1066 (no apologies you dirty Normans) . People get them as pets then , as like the jerks they are , get tied of them and chuck them out the window - but like Liam Niesen in Taken franchise these lizards aren't going to take that sitting down . Survive they did (ironically they're probably better off given the "care" many people give to their lizard pets) and they've spread from Texas to the Carolinas . Because they are the superior organism . Much like the Asiatic carp they are destroying the "natural" wildlife because they're better .

I'm not sure how I feel about invasive species and the fight against them . I mean first of all humans are surely the most destructive invasive species of all time - if only the Caribbean monk seal had acted more quickly to keep humans out of their ecosystem we wouldn't be in this mess . But you know how Monk seals are with their bickering . Actually you don't because they're all dead and they're never coming back , but trust me . But the other piece - isn't that what evolution is about ? I mean the Asiatic carp is winning right ? Why should we interfere with that ?

Fun fact if you encounter a tegu in the "wilds" of the American South its going to give you 3 warnings before charging and biting your face off . First it will hiss - like a cat or a old lady at the movies . Second it will lash it's tail about - like a cat or a drunk lady in a catsuit on Halloween . People often mistake the lashing tail for a snake because said Tegu is in tall grass or whatnot . Thirdly it will stamp it's front feet like a bull about to charge or a angry little kid who doesn't get ice cream . At that point if you're still around I feel like you want you face bitten off .

I'm thinking about buying a bunch of these and just wearing them around instead of pants . These are of course Diamond MMA Athletic Cup Groin Protector & Compression Shorts System with Built-in Jock Strap . It's a SYSTEM people . And if someone comments on it I'll try to get them in an armbar .

I heard someone say 'noroc' the other day . According to the world wide web this means luck in Romanian . It's also a music group from Moldavia . It's also a DOTorg with a mission to offer new opportunities for spiritual , physical , educational and emotional growth so that at-risk Romanian institutionalized children may escape cycles of poverty , dependency and abuse , and may become independent adults who can nurture meaningful relationships and contribute to their communities . I wonder in which context this person was speaking .

This is a fisher BTW . They're 100% adorbs but they'll tear your lungs out if you mess with them . They mostly eat hares and porcupines . They have a decent range in Canada where people don't want to live so unlike 90% of other animals they probably won't go extinct in your lifetime . Probably .
What's a good term for the female equivalent of a dude-bro ?
Posted:Sep 15, 2018 3:11 pm
Last Updated:Sep 16, 2018 10:14 am

I thought there was one but I've been wracking (and racking) my brain and I got nothing . I can't think of a good term to suggest either .

We're talking about the kind of woman who might say things such as ;

"The guy on my diploma is president now so I'm doing pretty good"

"I did the ice bucket challenge & there was NO VODKA IN IT"

"HIV is a myth made up by my dad 2 keep me from gettin laid!!!!"

" got laid in a hospital one time it was with a make-a-wish kid. wish i coulda filmed it."

"I did a porn once too but no1 paid me or filmed it. Got a free jolly rancher tho blue kind"

"FYI, semen in your eye = no big deal. Only burns the first 175 times"

You know the kind I'm talking about .

Advertising is weird . I understand the bait and switch but what's very off is when they do the bait and other kind of bait . Such as there's this TV show called the Good Place - the ads I saw for it where basically "Ted Danson is wacky guardian angel sent down to earth to help a good Christian get into wacky adventures - now with more wackiness !" Which obviously is nothing I would care about . But that's not what it is at all . Instead it's about a lady dude-bro that gets sent to Heaven by mistake (or is it ? ) and ruins everything because she's awful . Which is 100 times more interesting .

Not sure if I would watch it still but it's a lot more like something I might check out you know ?

On time there was this episode of Law and Order , and by one time I mean hundreds of times . One particular episode , RIPPED FROM THE HEADLINES , was about a bored housewife who decided it would be fun to do some hooking on the side between soccer practice . And it was super fun until some dude started trying to horn in on her action/blackmail her/something . At one point said dude said "give me a blowjob or I'll do something" I forget what the threat was but you get the gist . So she shot him 77 times in the mouth .

Now the guy from the Old Republic Insurance commercials said she should go to prison because she was giving 100 blowjobs a day so it wasn't reasonable for her to be afraid .

I find this personally to be a very curious tactic because a threat is a threat you know ? If I'm at working doing whatever the hell it is that I do and someone comes in an points a machinegun at me and says "do that thing you do !" (not the movie) I would not feel less in danger by the fact that what this machinegunner wanted me to do was something I could easily do and did all the time .

I mean I am crazy or doesn't it seem like if someone is threatening to kill you in order to get you do something that they're probably going to kill you afterwards anyway ? I feel like the smart move could be to NOT do whatever that is , because clearly it's very important to you so basically it's your only bargaining chip right ?

I don't know if this made-up lady should have killed this made-up guy but the made-up prosecutor had a very bad strategy in my mind .

40 shut up about TV god damn it !

I saw a horse in a trailer on the way up to the Twin Cities and it was mostly open so you could see the horse - which I've never seen before . I assume when they did that they put a hood on the horse so it didn't freak out . There was no hood . What do you think a horse is thinking when it's zooming down the highway at 80 mphs ?

At the Beck concert I said I didn't want a booze wristband so they put Xs on the back of my hands . I thought it was kind of funny so I was going to post a picture of that and CM Punk (a straight-edge wrestler who always had that on his fist-tape) and a burlesque lady with X nipple tape and ask who wore it better but I'm too lazy .

That system seems redundant to me . Why do you need wristbands AND Xs ? If you have Xs you can't drink and if you don't you can . What's the point of the wristband ? Also there's already a wristband for re-entry why not make them the same ? Red wristband for re-entry AND booze , blue wristband for re-entry only .
If you're not sure the devil exists look into your own heart
Posted:Sep 11, 2018 6:44 pm
Last Updated:Sep 15, 2018 2:46 pm

My grandpappy said that . He was a real hardcase in some ways . It's hard to tell if people of that generation got everything they ever wanted or if they were completely unfulfilled and empty due to lack of choices .

Sometimes constructing a blog idea in my brain and I think "you can't say that it's going to upset people !" but then I remember that hardly anyone reads this and it doesn't matter what I say . It's very liberating . Having a blog on here is kind of silly , it being a fucksite and all , but it's nice to literally be able to say whatever you want and it doesn't matter a stich .

Olivia Munn has been in the news lately because in the upcoming box office bomb Predator there was supposed to be a scene with her and a dude who was a sex offender and she got him kicked off the picture . The coverage has basically come in three waves .

Wave 1 - Olivia Munn is a hero , time's up , feminism , etc.

Wave 2 - When she reporting this the studio wasn't happy and tried to cover the whole thing up , boo corporations , boo capitalism , money is evil , boo , etc.

Wave 3 - Accusations that after she did this the rest of the "stars" in said film , all dudes , were freezing her out . Somehow at this point it seemed like even though this story was basically pro-Munn it was starting to cast her in a unspecified bad light . Possibly just because people were over the whole thing .

My first thought is that the fact that the company didn't want to deal with it isn't really news - that's just how it is . Every corporations wants things to go smooth - they don't want problems or publicity or anything - they want you to keep your mouth shut about anything and everything . We all know this . HR isn't there to protect you , it's there to protect the company - unless you in a union no one is looking out for you , and even that is shaky sometimes .

My second thought is much more icky . Because it seems like some form of victim blaming . Or adjacent to it somehow . I mean it's good that she went after this guy BUT it was clearly a calculated move . Because you know who else is in this movie ? Arnold Schwarzenegger . I feel like due to the Trump Effect people have kind of forgotten the roughly 7,777 women that came forward to say that Terminator groped them , cornered them and rubbed his junk on them , was sexually aggressive towards them and whatnot . And you know my theory - if that's what gets out there's probably a couple legit (banned topic) in there too .

But Olivia Munn didn't have any issue with that because that's not a fight she can win right ? If she goes up against the Terminator she's not going to win , she's the one who's going to be off the movie . So that's a practical move but you know it just kind of makes the whole thing ring hollow to me you know ?

Maybe this is what women have to deal with though , picking their battles - who I am to say ?

also curious if the dudes in the cast gave her the cold shoulder after this incident or if that was going on all along - because it seems likely that's just what happens when you're the only woman on the callsheet . Dudes are kind of like that right ?

Even though it's not really related at all it makes me think of the current flap over Guardians of the Galaxy 3 . I don't know exactly what happened but after Gunn attacked Trump some Trump people said "hey look at these old tweets where Gunn was joking about various sexual things" so Disney fired him . The main cast all came out in support of him but former terrible wrestler Dave Bautista has been really making a stink about it . The other people know to leave well enough alone but "The Animal" Dave Bautista isn't from the Hollywood world so he doesn't get that you need to swallow your pride if you want to work .

In the world he came from it's not only totally fine to talk shit about other people in the biz it's encouraged . I mean we all know that wrestling is "fake" but it's always good for a ratings bump when dudes have legit heat with one another . Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels famously hated each other IRL , as did Edge and Matt Hardy - and countless others .

Which is yet another way in which wrestling is bizarre . Image that someone ruins a multi-million dollar contract for you , or sleeps with your spouse , or slaps your kid , or snitches on you to the cops (all real examples) and then not only do you still have to work with that person your "work" is making it look like you're beating the shit out of them without really doing it . AND if you did "accidentally" drop them on their head and break their neck you 100% would get away with it . And yet they never do . It's hard to comprehend what goes on in that world .

The X-Men films have been a pretty mixed bag - setting aside Logan (which was awesome) there's X2 which wasn't bad and Days of Future Past which was "meh" . The biggest disappointment for me was Age of Apocalypse because it was weak ass and Apocalypse is one of my favorite comic books characters . It was also a bummer because they made a big deal about Psylocke (played by Oliva Munn) being in it and her character was completely superfluous .

People who don't read comics probably don't realize how insane things get over time - because characters are around forever . It's kind of like a soap opera - things just get more and more out there but the difference is they never go away , there's no actor to age out of the project and/or pursue more meaningful work - more and more storylines just get piled on them .

Here's a brief look at Psylocke's history . She was a fancy British lady with psychic powers - her twin brother also had powers but he was just your standard Superman type .

Then she was kidnapped by a yellow fatman from another dimension , brainwashed and given cybernetic eyes to star in a TV show . After her brother and the New Mutants rescued her she decided to go live in the X-Mansion seemingly for no reason but actually because Roma , Guardian of the Galaxy (aka God) needed here there to defeat Sabertooth .

Later in Dallas she along with many other X-Men died fighting Adversary (aka the Devil) but Roma (God) thought it was pretty cool that they defeated the devil so she decided to resurrect them - BUT for laughs she decided to resurrect them as random new people .

Psylocke was reborn was a sexy Asian ninja (obs) . The ninja leader though this would be a good time to ask the yellow fatman from another dimension's six armed magical bodyguard to bring his lady love out of a coma - which she did but she also switched her mind with Psylocke's . For . . . . reasons . . . . So now there's two sexy lady psychic ninjas in a Freak Friday scenario .

So Psylocke (in a different body) becomes queen ninja and they send her to kill Wolverine - but seeing his hairy belly makes her remember that she's actually a posh British lady ! But then the other sexy lady psychic ninja showed up and goes "no , the real posh British lady trapped in a sexy Asian ninja body !" and not even Professor X could figure out who was who so they just kept them both .

In a short period of time one or both sexy Asian ninja psychic ladies try to get it on with most of the male X-Men . But then the other sexy Asian lady psychic ninja got sick so she committed seppuku which reversed the Freaky Friday and put Psylocke back in her original-non-original body - who then started banging Angel .

Then Sabertooth killed her but some different ninjas brought her back to life - which gave her more powers and also made her kind of a bitch to Angel . They decided to quit being X-Men to focus on their relationship . But then the Shadow King killed her .

Jean Grey brought her back to life but oh no another Freaky Friday ! Jean and Psylocke switch bodies . Since she had a new body she kicked Angel to the curb and when heroing again - only to be killed by some no-name to save Rogue and Beast who quit the X-Men every other month .

She was dead for a while this time but then was back alive again without explanation . Her brother thought this was weird at first but when the Scarlet Witch first changed reality to make mutants in charge and then changed it again to get rid of most of the mutants everyone decided that it was fine .

Then she found out that the Shadow King had created a team of Shadow X-Men and when she looked into that she found out that the Shadow King had Freaky Fridayed Professor X himself ! She was then killed .

But Roma (God) came back on the scene and deciding that bringing people back to life was played out brought in a Psylocke from another dimension . But this new Psylocke got all fucked up because dead Psylocke was a ghost and was trying to get into her body . So she was like "fuck it" and let her in which resulted in TWO Psylockes in one body - which is like Freaky Friday only different . This also make her twice as psychic of course .

Then she started banging Sabertooth because hey , so what if your BF killed you once right ? Then she was killed by the Shadow King - man that guy is a jerk ! But a third clan of ninjas took her body and the body of the other sexy Asian ninja lady and brought them both back to life - you guessed it , switching their bodies Freaky Friday style . Why ? Who cares .

She was brainwashed again and tried to kill the X-Men but Dazzler (of all people) knocked some sense back into her and she was back on the team . So then she tried to get back into her original body but BAM the original ninja clan showed up and killed her yet again .

going to stop now but this is only like a third of her backstory .
How long ago did you drop your home phone service ?
Posted:Sep 10, 2018 6:15 pm
Last Updated:Sep 11, 2018 5:39 pm

When did you go mobile only ?
Six or less years ago
Seven to eleven years ago
Twelve or more years ago
Never jumped
10 Comments , 38 votes
Press 12 to get kicked in the dick by a dominatrix wearing heels
Posted:Sep 10, 2018 6:02 pm
Last Updated:Sep 12, 2018 8:52 pm
See that's like next level stuff there because there is no 12 on a phone so you can't even get the dick kicking you want .

So this guy says to me he says "I wanted to cancel my phone service so I went to the website but you can't do it there so I had to call and then it was an automated menu - if it's automated why is it not just on the website ?!"

Whereupon I was heard to remark "Is that a serious question ? They don't want to make it easy to cancel - no matter how convoluted a website is you're unlikely to give up - people get mad and rage quit circular phone menus all the time . It costs them nothing to waste your time , even if it only works once it's worth it to them ."

Every office job (and probably others) usually involves a so-called alphabet soup (if it can so be called) of acronyms that occasionally become hilarious to the immature . Back at my old job it was usually when we were talking about the last ANAL on the account . "I think this last ANAL date is wrong" someone would say and a new person would snicker . Jokes about "how could you not remember your last ANAL !" were as common as Ford Festivas in the 90s .

Today I had a long meeting about the sensitivity of the NIPS . There's a lot of concerns that the NIPS aren't sensitive enough . If you don't know what NIPS are all you really need to know is that the NIPS become a prison for hostile traffic . If you know what I mean .

Sometimes people go to therapy . And that's cool because they want to figure out why they are the way they are . But I can save you all a lot of time .

Why does a tree do what it does ? Why does it soak in sunlight with it's leaves and take in water and nutrients with it's roots and grow and shade out other trees and whatnot ? Survival . The end . The concept of not doing those things is literally unthinkable - because it can't think . It does what it has to do make it .

As much as we like to fancy it all up we're the same way . You are the way you are because that's the way you had to be to motivate yourself to do the things that keep you alive . If you're a curmudgeon who acted like they're an old man when they were 10 , if you're a happy shiny people , if you're the kind of person who needs to please others , if you're a Stepford smiler who's dying inside , if you're Purity Sue , if you're pushy Lothario , if you're a straw nihilist , if you're a faux affable asshole , a raging bitchcake , a sad clown , a dorkataur , whatever you are it's because that's what you needed to do to make it .

That will be $500 please .

NOW before you go accusing me of being all "nothing ever changes just give up" that doesn't mean that's the way it HAS to be . That was just the path of least resistance you feel me ? You needed to become a way to survive - doesn't mean you can't learn a different and better way .

Such as tigers have terrible claws to help them survive - doesn't means claws are the best ever - they can learn to drive helicopters and earn a wager and buy food . Which is obviously better .

You may have become a good natured doormat because that's the way you could make it through the day but you don't have to stay that way if you don't want to - there's other solutions , that was just the one that "evolution" came up with for you . You can work on being something else such as a drama queen of the Snark Knight - heck you could even try to be someone good !

I mean I wouldn't recommend it but then I'm a Dandere so you know , grain of salt .

I haven't posted a picture in a good long while in spite of my promise to always do it .

Rectified .

I always thought that Rectify looked like a good show but I never watched it . I figured I watched enough downer TV series .
40deuce Paranormal Investigator
Posted:Sep 8, 2018 8:36 am
Last Updated:Sep 10, 2018 5:36 pm

Football season is upon us once more . I am what's known as a "casual" fan in the sense that I am only interested in the games whereupon I have laid down massive wagers . If the Browns score 6 safetys in their game I am going to be swimming in cash guys . But there are some people who don't like sports atall . Which is fine . But there are some people that don't even comprehend why anyone would like sports . Which isn't fine because it's very simple .

You see people spend their days at jobs they hate , go home to family they resent and their only relief is the promise of the weekend where they can get together with their friends , numb themselves with enough vodka to kill a horse and watch an athlete do the physically impossible or horribly injure themselves in the attempt .

Who can't understand that ?

You know what the least realistic thing is about horror movies ? That for the first hour everyone refuses to believe that something supernatural is going on . People are not that skeptical . In real life is someone see something red running down their wall they immediately run out of the house screaming because they think it's blood - only in movies to people say "oh , it's just a rusty pipe leaking" . I would like a horror movie that skips the traditional "everyone tries to convince the protagonist they're boyfriend is not the antichrist" and has a plot where everyone is onboard right away . People WANT to believe in this shit you know ?

The point is before you call me to investigate your she-shed that you think is the portal to Hades keep a few things in mind . Here's a fun fact about hallucinations - they can be either visual or auditory but not both . People can hear voices , they can see things that aren't "really" there , but not at the same time . If a clown with a shark-head came up to you and said that it was going to eat your uterus in 8 days that was not a hallucination because you both saw and heard it and that doesn't happen .

If you think you've been abducted by aliens it's almost always a case of sleep paralysis - which is often accompanied by a form of wakeful dreaming in which it is common to feel like someone is intruding on you . You know the "grey" aliens that people often describe ? That didn't start happening until after a 1964 episode of the Outer Limits aired that featured aliens that looked like that . And anal probes ? People didn't start "experiencing" that until colonoscopies became common . Aliens that visit you in the night are usually your anxieties making themselves manifest . But if you ARE legitimately being harassed by aliens don't call me anyway because I deal with the supernatural not extraterrestrial . Sorry .

After the movie Paranormal Activity came out tons of people started saying they had stuff moving in their house by itself . People are very worried by this . It's no big deal though . Angry spirits are not any more of a problem that having a rambunctious cat - sometimes a glass gets knocked over . Deal with it . If you don't have a cat get one , then you can blame the cat . They don't mind .

As you all know I have a ghost in my attic - and I know it's a ghost because it is not a shadowy spirit . Why would a ghost be translucent ? Smoke and fog look like that because they're particles suspended in the air . Do you think a soul is tiny physical particles ? Think about a hologram - is has to be projected onto something to be seen . Is that what you think a ghost is ? Ghosts just look like people - you've probably seen tons of them walking around without even realizing it . You know what the kicker is ? Most ghosts don't even realize that they're ghosts . Dying is a confusing experiencing - a lot of them don't have any clue what's happened . The one way you can tell is that you can't take a picture of a ghost , because you don't see them your eyes you know ?

If you're visited by a creature that's telling you a prophecy there's an easy way to tell if it's legit - ask it a question that you don't know the answer to but can be verified later . People always make the mistake of asking about things only they know - but if this is a manifestation of your brain it knows what you know savvy ? Ask it something like "how many safetys will the Browns score this weekend ?" and then you know what the deal is . But here's the other piece - use your own judgement . People seem to think if someone displays knowledge of the future they should listen to them . Why ? You think people in the future aren't assholes ? There are people right now that if they could travel through time would try to help the Confederacy win the civil war , should old timey people listen to them ? No . So if someone asks you to kidnap , strangle and dismember Scarlet Johansen otherwise the wrong dude will become president in 4379 ask yourself - why would I care about that ?

Now let's talk about monsters . If you always heard that grandpa died by falling into a grain elevator and you find out instead that he was smothered by a snake-beast from the 8th dimension does it really make a difference ? Dead is dead right ? What's the use of pulling on that thread ? If there are snake-beasts from the 8th dimension why would you want them to know about you ? Let sleeping snake-beasts lie you know ?
Which would you rather have ?
Posted:Sep 8, 2018 7:58 am
Last Updated:Sep 10, 2018 5:35 pm

Which would you rather have ?
10 Comments , 52 votes
Can't buy me love
Posted:Sep 7, 2018 6:28 pm
Last Updated:Sep 8, 2018 7:56 am

Despite my best efforts people still say "Money can't buy happiness" when they SHOULD say "Money can't buy happiness . . . just kidding" .

But consider this , people who make less than $35,000 a year are 50% more likely to commit (BANNED TOPIC) . And people on government assistance are 100% more likely .

40 , you're doing that thing you always rail against - you're implying a causal connection based off only a correlation - it's just as valid to assume that the same things that contribute to (BANNED TOPIC) such as mental health issues also contribute to lower salaries .

You've bested me again .

People usually know that the sun is VERY large and VERY far away , but what they don't usually consider is that the sun is also VERY loud . It's an atomic cauldron you know , nuclear reactions are happening there on a massive scale constantly . But as we all know sound waves can't travel though the vastness of space so here on earth we don't hear the screaming fury of the mighty sun . If we could even as far away as we are we'd be constantly blasted with 120 decibels - which is the same as a thunderclap .

And so , we must ask ourselves , if space did consist of a medium that could carry soundwaves would the sense of hearing have evolved on earth life ? My initial thought is no - I the sound of the sun would be so loud a sense of hearing would be useless . But upon further reflection not so sure . For instance if you just measure light it doesn't seem like it would be useful - there's tons of light all the time right ? But life evolved to use the light bouncing off other things to learn all kinds of stuff . Maybe sound would be the same . Maybe we wouldn't hear the way we do know but it would be more like echolocation - tuning in the way certain sounds were coming at us . Which probably could be turned into a form of speech/communication right ?

Which begs this question - if we all communicated by bouncing soundwaves off each others tits would we all speak a universal language ? I mean our visual "language" is the same right ? Donnie Yen and I might call a cat something different with our verbal language in this paradigm but when I see a cat he also sees a cat - he doesn't see a dog . So if your method of talking was based on feeling sound would it all be the same ?

Remember that episode of TNG where Riker killed all those clones and for some reason everyone jut shrugged ? I do . At least Star Trek is consistent though because in other episodes people murdered clones and it was also fine . Which doesn't seem very Star Trekky - they're supposed to be more evolved right ? Anyway , in that episode they also decided that Geordi because of his visor could tell when people were lying to him .

Which was never mentioned again because it's a real issue for the writers . If Geordi can tell when people are lying , even if it only applies to humans , he should be on the bridge every time they talk to anyone . But that's not even the worst of it - his Geordi's visor can tell when people are lying surely the computer can do the same thing - so they should always know when people are lying . Which makes plotting out a story much harder so they just ignored it .

Which is why you should have a show bible - up front you need to decide what everyone can do .

Which brings us to Counselor Troi - I never realized it until I started watching the series back through but she's missing from a TON of episodes . There's 178 episodes of TNG and she's in barely over 100 of them . For the same reason . They made her half-Betazed to reduce her powers but the writers still couldn't deal with having a psychic on board . And even when she was around they ignored her powers half the time . She could sense ships several sectors away . She could sense individual people on planets with billions of beings . Like Geordi she could tell when people were lying , and just how they were feeling in general . She should have been one of the MOST useful crewmembers .

But of course the character who's abilities are ignored the most is your favorite and mine Commander Data . The dude has super speed . Literally . All the various times other people were caught off guard he should have been all over that shit . His reaction time should be unbeatable . All the times people got kidnapped off the bridge ? No . Instead Data . I know his job wasn't technically security but he should have been a part of every security detail - he's got the strength of 100 chimpanzees and he's more or less invulnerable . All those times the security losers got tossed around by the alien of the week ? No . Instead Data . And why did he bother using the manual interface with the computer ? Why wasn't he jacked in all the time ?

On the other hand since the show was written in the early 90s his supposed processing power is inferior to the OS of your smartphone . So maybe they were right on with their portrayal .

Poor dumb Data .

That would be an interesting character , a dude who's got all these super powers but isn't smart enough to really do much with them .

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