wicked and that ain't so easy
"if there were but world enough and time..."

but there isn't.

so......spit it out.
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never miss a good TADA moment
Posted:Sep 17, 2018 1:19 pm
Last Updated:Sep 18, 2018 12:58 pm

When I was learning how to do polarity work I met a massage practitioner who was also learning but who radiated a level of energetic awareness that was astounding. Over the years she became my healer and when I was “stuck” she would unstick me and when I was pregnant, she massaged us both, a remarkable and giggly joyous 45 minutes every week. She’s younger than me and rather pita energetically, like something that would float on the wind but oh she has moved iron bound muscles with the softest touches until they just melt away, not able to resist her….how could they, no one can. She was here this weekend.

As we were sitting watching some comedy show, laughter filling the room, the comedian, name of Dell something, finished his act with a bit I call TADA. You really have to see the whole thing, but he runs across a homeless dude who tada’s him rather arbitrarily. It annoys him and then later in his act this same dude reappears for yet another TADA moment by stepping out of a bush. I swear I almost hurt myself laughing. You have got to love a good comic.

The next day, whenever something fantastical, off the charts bizarre, or so banal as to warrant a cosmic shake of the head happened, we would simultaneously do a stage TADA including footwork that would send us into paroxysms of laughter and those around us into that shuffle, “wide berth” walking with no eye contact. Delicious, we are so cute together.

Isn’t it just wonderful to feel in synch with someone in an exclusive little way, to have a tiny secret that does no harm at all but yummies us in the moment? We should all be 5 again at least once a week. It is so gleeful. We held hands and skipped off each time. Seriously, 5.

She lightens me up. She says I make her think more clearly.

What I find interesting is that combined we prattle on endlessly. Stories of our lives that lead into discussions of such broad focus unlike most conversations that tend to remain more one-dimensional or become more one dimensional instead of gaining steam. I was tearing off my bra as soon as we got home (do NOT deny you do the same). We were aimlessly chatting about breasts, sexual discomfort, segued to passion, religion fervor, with a toe into the occult, over to how intellect vs.passion, philosophical trends, some physics in there cuz that’s part of the way her mind sees world trends which fascinates me because she is all about astrology and energy and faeries…………good and evil, all while cooking dinner. 45 minutes of mind fuck blended into food prep.

I love this kind of conversation….grins. But really what I want is to have her live next door so I don’t have to wait so long to spend time like this, so relaxed at home with my friend, laughing like loons

Oh and TA DA you left your condoms here………..lmao.
#44 which is so much better than 45 SYmposium
Posted:Sep 5, 2018 3:06 pm
Last Updated:Sep 18, 2018 12:50 pm

I choose anything.

I write what I want and if anyone wants to read it, they do. while not that many do, I find myself content that some do and give me feedback and some give me really honest and open critical feedback which I particularly like.

I realize I an olive (acquired taste) and not all that sexy or funny. I okay with that.

I also a flaming liberal, a masochist, a romantic pragmatist and a damn good sreet fighter.

so, write whatever you want. it's your blog. if I like it, I will read it. if I don't, I won't. kind of like TV, yanno? but I will fight for you to have the right to write what you want to write, even if I find it offensive because this is America. and so if you don't like what I write, don't read me but don't step on my right to write either.

so, we're cool, right? okay then....WRITE.
oh, you know
Posted:Sep 4, 2018 12:50 pm
Last Updated:Sep 11, 2018 11:09 am

Treme is my binge right now. the music is wonderful even if the story is killing me.

s'okay though, in a funk so it suits.

in a while my healer from Texas will be here to align my chakras and beat my shoulders down a few inches......praise Jesus. hopefully she can open up my mind and heart so I do something other than fight.

primary voted today. got my sticker. get your sticker. seriously. get your damn sticker.

off to drive some more people to the polls.
my car smells like jean nate. gross
when the quiet makes you worry
Posted:Aug 15, 2018 2:31 pm
Last Updated:Sep 11, 2018 11:08 am
here I . right here
why does no one see me here
here is where I was a haiku for loss

last night I saw upon the stair.
a little man who wasn't there
he wasn't there again today
oh how I wish he'd go away

do you remember that poem from your childhood? it scared me then, it scares me now. I met a child today at a shelter who was about 18 months and had no words, not a single one. the biggest blue eyes and so limp. like a toy child, like the stuffing was missing. I took him from the mom who was busy filling out paperwork and held him against my shoulder rubbing circles on his back, then I put him down on my legs and started to move his arms and legs.

no one was paying us any mind because they were involved, but as I made noises and continued to stimulate, he began to engage. I pumped his legs and he reacted, I oooed and he made a noise, I held his hand to my mouth and blew on it and he was surprised. I picked up a fuzzy toy and rubbed t on his bare feet. I felt a bit like Dr. Frankenstein waking up the monster. I had no idea what kind of days this child had lived but he was in there. we see intense depression as young as three months ...failure to thrive, babies so thin, so withdrawn from the world.

being homeless takes a toll on everyone. Parents can't be great parents when their days are consumed with trying to find work, housing, or barely surviving with little ones on the street. babies learn to become quiet, passive, they don't demand, they just wait. older kids learn to fight, steal, for what they need. Fear is everywhere, blankets everything.

Remember your 18 moth old? into everything, a 14 hour chase to see who finished first you, or him. but these babies....you have to work to give them back that lil devil inside.

there is nothing, nothing more normal than a kid throwing a hissy fit. I see one and I give the mom a hug, pat the lil monster on the head and smile. it's when they're all quiet that I worry...…….yanno? hey at least my kid didn't do it here:

Posted:Aug 13, 2018 1:41 pm
Last Updated:Sep 11, 2018 11:04 am

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream- -and not make dreams your master;
If you can think- -and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build'em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on! '

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings- -nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And- -which is more- -you'll be a Man, my son!
you've got mail
Posted:Aug 8, 2018 10:40 am
Last Updated:Sep 4, 2018 12:40 pm

which you will never be able to read ….HA

'BUT I have been on this site a decent length of time and have managed to survive their farting around with stuff . this time...….I just can't. I can't open mail, I can't respond to mail, I can't stand the little dot thingy where if you miss the delete suddenly you have a new friend. wtf.

is it prettier? meh

personally I like a cleaner less froufrou style. and how do they decide what's important anyway? how incredibly presumptuous.

fix the fact that words keep disappearing the in the blogs. that would be nice. smh.

sorry this is not really a blog - just a pissed off moment.
Posted:Aug 2, 2018 12:12 pm
Last Updated:Aug 23, 2018 12:01 pm

I spent two days drifting through a land filled with emotion, laughter, moving easily up and down without wondering if there would be a slip or a fall or a moment of silence because shared silence is a comfort of sorts a breath taken to celebrate the presence, the present of the being together. Music always backlit the scene and sometimes drove us to move but more often to smile or shout no, no. and search for something less jarring to our perfection.

When you talk about everything nothing all at once the jumble becomes a sort of poetry and the silly becomes hilarity that would rival lucy and ethel in the chocolate factory. To always be so open to the warp and weave of words, to wallow like this, slatternly utterly relaxed with no thought of agenda but only of the flow It seemed to carry us onward from one moment to the next, without effort.

Food and candles on the porch, spotting pears in the tree that for some reason must be picked in the deep darkness. How lovely to watch, boneless, smoking as a hand reached into the branches plucking fruit I could not even see. Then six green pears on the table as we pondered what we would do. Cook them to spoon over ice cream, or simply admire them forever as they shone in the shadowy light.

Faces change as you stare at them, they dance from one face to another in light and shadow. I watched seeing more than one person before me wondering as I did which one was the one I found most real, most tempting to the eye, most like the soul I think I hold within me but drifting, I let it go. pieces to be assembled and not by me.

Time spent like this, with someone you love, you trust is deeply soothing. It feeds your soul. Reminds you that there are spaces where you can be where everything feels exactly like it should. Even when you are crying you are safe.
good questions...care to answer?
Posted:Jul 27, 2018 11:40 am
Last Updated:Aug 2, 2018 12:48 pm
17 Real-Life Would-You-Rathers I, a Woman, Have Had to Ask Myself

1. Would you rather have a career or a family?
2. Would you rather be perceived as likable or competent?
3. Would you rather be told to smile or to calm down?
4. Would you rather be called “Sweetie” or “Ma’am”?
5. Would you rather have a strange man lightly touch your knee or the small of your back?
6. Would you rather spend the rest of your life explaining why you don’t want kids or why you don’t want his dick pic?
7. Would you rather be “shrill” but finish your sentence or polite but interrupted by your male colleague?
8. Would you rather shoot literal botulism into your face or look your real age, you hag?
9. Would you rather breastfeed your child in public like a whore or feed your child toxic commercial formula like a terrible mother?
10. Would you rather be groped in a bus or groped in a bar, and also what were you wearing, you filthy skank?
11. Would you rather be blamed for your partner’s affair because you’re frigid and have too little sex or blamed for your sexual assault because you’re slutty and have too much sex?
12. Would you rather accept societal messaging that tells women they have to compete against each other for men, jobs, and who wore it better, or reject that messaging and support women, you ugly man-hating feminist?
13. Would you rather get your period, which is dirty and shameful and gross and must be hidden at all costs, or not get your period, which means you are not a “real” woman, whether that’s because you’re postmenopausal or you’re trans or you have a medical condition, you bloodless, barren, good-for-nothing crone?
14. Would you rather be vilified for your choice to have an abortion, you selfish, godless baby-killer, or become a mother in America, the only developed nation without paid maternity leave and one of only thirteen countries in the world where maternal mortality rates are rising, especially for black women, who are almost four times more likely than white women to die of pregnancy-related causes, but shut up about health care already, you entitled, hysterical, overemotional, elitist shrew?
15. Would you rather try to take out a loan for your small business, even though female-owned businesses get 4% of all money given out in small business loans and male-owned businesses get the other 96%, or try to take out a loan for your college education, which will probably need to be bigger than the average man’s loan because your family is statistically less likely to have saved money for your lady-education, and which you’ll have more trouble paying back than men do because you’re making 80 cents on his dollar — 54 cents if you are Latina — which means you can’t pay off the loan as fast, which means you accrue more and more interest, which means more and more debt, which means more and more trouble paying it off, which means more and more trouble accumulating wealth over your lifetime, which means a bigger and bigger gender wealth gap, but why do you women hold 2/3 of all outstanding student loan debt, you dumb, ditzy, irrational, hormonal bimbos?
16. Would you rather realize you’ve spent way too much time writing a list of Catch-22s women face in 21st-century America, but you could still keep going because sexism is all around you all the time always any time you step outside, or realize you honestly don’t even know where your own internalized sexism ends because this patriarchal society is the only one you’ve ever known and what if someday everyone of every gender and color was equal but also is that even possible given the entrenched forces of capitalism and the inherent selfishness of human nature and let’s be real right now it’s hard to imagine what that utopian egalitarian feminist society would even look like and you’re just so so tired, you frumpy, melodramatic, PMS-ing, bossy, ball-busting bitch?

i found this and was cry laughing by the end but that's because as a woman i get to so don't think you'll win any favor by snorking it up men. this is real shit. funny shit but real shit.

oh shit...……….we
44-45 equals negative one
Posted:Jul 18, 2018 12:05 pm
Last Updated:Jul 30, 2018 1:06 pm
if you have a free hour....check out Obama's speech at the Mandela tribute. it is well worth watching


and because we all need to remember the laughter

Purple Pimping
Posted:Jul 10, 2018 2:46 pm
Last Updated:Jul 26, 2018 3:53 pm

Read JanuaryMan99's Day at the Beach


if I knew how to link to it I would have - just find it
"we are all just walking each other home" Ram Dass
Posted:Jul 10, 2018 2:28 pm
Last Updated:Jul 26, 2018 3:57 pm

She stood on her back porch, listening to the of the neighbor’s bug zapper, flinching with each sizzle. Her hand trembled as she lit up, a line ran across her brain, “smoking sawdust cigarettes in the middle of the night…”. The man in the bakery, handing her the collected works, what was she, 19. 20? It had moved with her, this book, dozens of times; more of a home than some of her homes had been.

Now here in this house for such a long time, time enough to grow a child, to bury a marriage, to witness the crumbling of kinships that had seemed built on stone. A life filled with small sorrows. She had learned to bend.

As a child she and her cousin who had lived in each other’s pockets would swing birches for hours, just for that moment when the birch having bent as far as it could would revolt, toss them up and away, into the sky into the possibilities. Ridding itself of the burden, the weight, finding itself once again straight tall, free.

But sometimes, a birch would under their weight, the careless weight of youth. They would sit then, by the tree, no longer giddy youth but almost women, feeling the shame of breaking something beautiful.

Having spent an hour driving, an hour sitting in a plastic chair waiting for someone to leave so there would be space for her to go in, she was almost dazed when they called her name and she entered the trap. Hands up, hands down, open your mouth, ruffle your hair, flip your ears, turn out pockets, fingers around your waistband. Her stomach knotted, her mouth dry.

His face, his smile,suddenly she is ravenous. They talk about a book they’re reading together, about a letter he wrote to her Sister the Saint who wrote back, about nothing and everything, blessed be, but time was gone so they stood for a second hands against the glass before she turned to leave, looking back to see him watching her, to catch a last smile but instead catching him just staring so she touched her chin, he grinned.

And now, now sleep was not hers to find.

It would be a long walk home, this time. Still, it would come.
the other shoe
Posted:Jul 5, 2018 9:20 am
Last Updated:Jul 10, 2018 2:29 pm

life has a way of biting me in the ass lately and not in a good way.

my ex husband who is not really an ex since I never bothered to divorce him, I just haven't lived with for over 25 years asked to move home. it was an odd request coming as it did timing wise...a story I have yet to tell....and it seemed that it was based on his health although it wasn't actually verbalized. However, we did go to a lawyer and rewrite our will. his idea.

also lots of doctor appointment and meds. though I haven't snooped.

so i'm worried. and it's also a little weird to have him here although he was always here a fair amount. he walked Charlie every day, did all the holidays, etc. dropped by with goodies.

I don't know, I hope i'm wrong.

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Most Recent Comments by Others

Post Poster Post Date
never miss a good TADA moment (17)FMAOPLS
Sep 19, 2018 11:08 am
when the quiet makes you worry (31)kzoopair
Sep 8, 2018 11:18 pm
#44 which is so much better than 45 SYmposium (27)kzoopair
Sep 8, 2018 11:12 pm
oh, you know (26)kzoopair
Sep 8, 2018 11:05 pm
If... (20)kzoopair
Sep 8, 2018 11:00 pm
Benediction (13)SeaGirlFL
Sep 2, 2018 8:16 am
you've got mail (20)author51
Aug 28, 2018 1:47 am
good questions...care to answer? (32)kzoopair
Jul 30, 2018 12:51 pm
44-45 equals negative one (14)photon46
Jul 29, 2018 5:16 am
Purple Pimping (15)doe_ra_me
Jul 28, 2018 8:29 pm
"we are all just walking each other home" Ram Dass (14)SeaGirlFL
Jul 14, 2018 5:44 pm